Two Years Later

 1 April 2023

        In honour of my dearly departed butterfly, I decided to put aside the exam paper that I have been setting and pen a short update. Exactly two years ago, I had my thyroid completely removed following the discovery of a rather large cyst on the right and multiple small cysts on the left, one of which was suspected to be malignant. Praise God they all turned to be benign!

        I seem to be faring relatively well post thyroidectomy, not being afflicted with most of the symptoms of hypothyroidism. There was, however, an incident when I felt really depressed, with no reason to, and could not stop crying. On the next morning, there was even an overpowering need to just pull up at the side of the road to cry and not go to work. Fortunately, there was still the strong will to suppress that and forge ahead. Apart from that incident, I have been doing fine. Being busy at work and being surrounded by love and care help a lot.

        My cholesterol levels, on the other hand, are still escalating. I have decided not to resist the next time my physician recommends starting on statin.

My hardly-noticeable scar, 2 years on

One Year Later

1 April 2022

        A year has passed since my butterfly left me. It has not been difficult coming to terms with its departure. Adapting to life without it has not been onerous either. Initially, I did tire easily but as my doctor regularly monitors and adjusts the dosage of my Levothyroxine, the fatigue has not been been plaguing me much.

        After the Hospital Ipoh Surgical Department discharged me, I sought treatment at the Kampung Simee health clinic. I was there for two follow-ups before Yee Yan, my physician, learned about that. He then "adopted" me and is now taking charge of my endocrine problem as well.

        Although I have not noticed other symptoms of hypothyroidism like weight gain, being sensitive to cold, constipation, depression, dry scaly skin, brittle hair and nails, there has been a spike in my cholesterol levels. According to Yee Yan, this is a side effect of an underactive thyroid. So before he starts me on a cholesterol-lowering drug, he attempts to control my hypothyroidism by increasing the dosage of my Levothyroxine. Dr. Chan had discharged me from Hospital Ipoh with 100 mcg. Dr. Asha of Kampung Simee health clinic increased it to 100 mcg on weekdays and 150 mcg on weekends. Dr. Ananth of Kampung Simee health clinic noted some improvement in my TSH (thyroid stimulating hormone) so he continued with the same dosage. Yee Yan, however, was not happy with the management. He then increased my dosage to 125 mcg daily. In February this year, he decided to try lowering my TSH further by increasing the dosage of my Levothyroxine to 150 mcg daily.

        A big thank you to him for valiantly trying to bring my TSH levels to heel. An even bigger word of thanks to all the people, namely my beloved mother, darling hubby and dear friends, who have been pillars of support these past 12 months. As I come to terms with this ailment called hypothyroidism, another health condition has been thrust upon me recently. The discovery of multiple fibroids, one of which was really massive and another was slightly suspicious, led to a total hysterectomy. This has then threw me into sudden menopausal so my gynaecologist decided to start me on Premarin, a hormone replacement therapy. I suspect this is going to upset my cholesterol levels further. Oh well, I shall meet this head on and accept it as part of life's trials.

My battle scar, one year later

In the company of good friends (3 March 2022)

 

Revised Levothyroxine Dosage

7 August 2021

         Three days ago, I went for my second post-op follow-up. Having been discharged from the Surgical OutPatient Department on my first post-op follow-up (10 May), this was my first follow-up at the Kampung Simee Health Clinic. My Free T4 levels are still within the normal range but my TSH (Thyroid Stimulating Hormones) are very much elevated, which shows an underactive thyroid or hypothyroidism. As a result, Dr. Asha decided to make changes to my Levothyroxine. On weekdays, I will continue taking 100mcg, but on weekends, the dosage will be increased to 150mcg.

        So this morning, being a Saturday, I started taking 100mcg of Thyroxit and 50mcg of Euthyrox, with a full glass of water. And after that, it was time to work up my metabolism on the crosstrainer.

Day 120 Post-Op

 30 July 2021

        4 months ago when I had my total thyroidectomy, there were 1,178 new Covid-19 cases in the entire Malaysia. Look at where we are now : 16,840 new Covid-19 cases today with 810 new cases in Perak alone! And just two days ago, we logged 17,405 new cases, the highest ever in Malaysia. But everyone fears that the highest is yet to come!

        Things can really change in a split second. I could still remember how eager I was to start the new academic year when I went to school on 15 January to attend the meetings prior to school re-opening. And just 2 days later, I was thrown into immense worry when I discovered the lump in my neck.

        On 1 April, the country's Covid-19 situation was under control. But 4 months down the road, our hospitals are at breaking point and someone's comment that if you were to throw a pebble in Selangor, chances are you would hit someone with Covid-19 doesn't sound like an exaggeration anymore. 

        Two Thursdays ago, I rushed to the market early in the morning to stock up on meat before online classes commenced for the day. Several hours later, in the afternoon, hubby was notified that he had been mobilised to assist in MAEPS. And now I'm stuck with finishing all the fish, chicken and pork in the freezer on my own.

        Just a few minutes before I started to pen this post, a church friend whatsapped me to share some sudden and sad news. A choir member, Jason, who chants for the responsorial psalms, is now a statistic in the Covid-19 death toll. He last contacted the choir group on 23 July.

        This is all a reminder that life is fragile and there can be a complete turn of events in just a snap of the finger. There is no need to fret and stress, as we humans can achieve nothing if it is not the will of God. We should always surrender ourselves to Him and to let Him take care of everything.

"Man proposes, but God disposes" (Proverbs 19 :21)

Missing Hubby Dearest

 24 July 2021

        One week ago, on 17 July, I bade hubby goodbye as he drove to the Malaysia Agro Exposition Park Serdang, which is one of the Covid-19 Quarantine and Treatment Centers in the country. Together with many other medical personnel from different states, he had been mobilised to assist their overworked colleagues as Malaysia valiantly battles the rising severity of the Covid-19 pandemic. He will be there till 16 September.

On the morning prior to his departure to the battlefield

        Hubby was most courageous and positive about this mobilisation. He is ever ready for a challenge and wants to embrace this as a good learning experience. At times, I got a peek of the worry and fear that must have been niggling at the back of his mind. He talked about the possibility of returning home in a body bag, requested for a simple funeral and reminded me of his PIN to his savings account lest I needed to withdraw money.

       As I assisted him with the packing, I tried to remain stoic. But the minute his car had left, I crumbled. I finally understood how the wives must have felt when they sent their husbands off to war. This is not an ordinary work trip; this is an assignment to the battlefield with all the dangers involved. I understand how pointless it is to cry but I really couldn't stem the tears. 

        Throughout this week, I kept myself busy with lesson preparation and spending time with my parents, occasionally tidying the house here and there. It was easy to dissolve into tears whenever I was reminded of hubby (when I ironed his clothes, when I collected a parcel ordered by him, when I applied the Dermatix that he bought for me, when I made honey lemon juice with the lemon that he had so thoughtfully squeezed out for me prior to leaving, etc.).

        228km away from hubby, I cannot do much for him. I can only pray, very earnestly, for our good Lord to guide and protect him always. The threat of the virus is a constant cause of worry and fear, as everyone and everything is a suspect. Just yesterday, there were 15,573 new Covid-19 cases in the country (a new record) with 7,672 cases in Selangor alone!

At his hotel room in Pulse Grande Putrajaya (formerly Shangri-la Putrajaya) prior to his advance into the battlefield on 19 July 2021

Day 90 Post-Op

 30 June 2021

        I firmly believe that keeping oneself busy is a good thing. It takes your mind off worries (I found this to be so essential during my pre-surgery days) and helps to channel your energy to worthwhile things (you achieve absolutely nothing if you just sit, mope and worry about your problems). At present, I have no pressing worries but it has been really busy at work. Yet, I am not complaining. 

"Life is short, so do the things that make you happy. Be with those who make you happy. Look for the good in every day, even if some days you have to look a little harder."

        Sure, there are days that I am truly worn out (I can't blame it entirely on work; it's also my own medical condition at fault). There are times when I grumble about having to handle so much of work. And then I remind myself what a blessing it is to be able to work, to be healthy enough to work! In the days leading up to my thyroidectomy and especially with the possibility of a malignant tumour looming, there were times when I wished so fervently that I could just be healthy enough to go to work, work and work.

        So now, on Day 90 after my operation, I remind myself how blessed I am to have been gifted with new life, to know that all my thyroid cysts were benign. I am grateful to be able to have my hands full with work, to be able to teach with an undamaged voice, to have seemingly adapted well to my thyroid replacement medication as my energy levels appear normal on most days (others who have undergone total thyroidectomy have reported chronic fatigue, which is really severe energy loss whereby even small actions like going downstairs and getting into the car renders one to be so tired). I just had my blood drawn again yesterday to test for thyroid functions but the results will only be known when I am scheduled to meet with the doctor on 4 August.

        I have always had the problem of a lot of hair dropping; hubby often complains that I'm moulting. As such, I cannot determine whether I have been losing hair abnormally as a result of my total thyroidectomy. 

        Gaining weight uncontrollably is one of the concerns of hypothyroidism. I have been weighing myself fairly diligently. My weight fluctuates. At times, it goes up a little, then it comes back down. But 90 days on, my weight hovers around the pre-surgery number. I aim to keep this checked with a regular exercise regime that includes low impact aerobics exercise, yoga and strength training. Exercise, after all, heals our body, restores emotional well-being, wards off depression, improves self esteem and burns calories.

        Being quite vain, I was initially very conscious of my thyroidectomy scar. I can still remember how conscious I was when I first stepped out of the house after my recovery. Now the scar doesn't worry me at all. But every time I look at it in the mirror, I am reminded of the journey that I went through, the dark days before my surgery, the trepidation, the recovery process. It's like my personal medal of courage. And sometimes I even find myself wishing that the scar doesn't fade away too soon, as it's a nudge to be grateful for this new life.

This picture was taken in February 2021 and the swelling was noticeable.

My scar on Day 90 post-op

        So, yes, on Day 90 without my butterfly, I am doing great! And with God's grace, I will continue to be on top of things.

Happy 46th Birthday To Me!

11 June 2021

        Today's day 71 post-op, and it's also my 46th birthday. And for the first time ever, my birthday on the Gregorian calendar coincides with my Lunar birthday. 

     When I was born on 11 June 1975, it was the 2nd day of the 5th month in the Chinese calendar of the year 4673. And today, 11 June 2021, is also the 2nd day of the 5th month in the Chinese calendar of the year 4719.

     In one of the forums on the Internet, one smarty-pants pointed out that every 19 years after your birth year, your Lunar birthday will fall on the same day as your Gregorian birthday. I may be forgetful in a lot of things, but I remember very clearly that this has never happened to me before. To prove this, I painstakingly checked online when my Lunar birthdays were, in the previous 46 years. True enough, the two birthdays had never coincided. The three times that they were one day apart of each other were in 1983 (my Chinese birthday fell on 12 June), 1994 (I celebrated my Lunar birthday on 10 June) and 2002 (my Lunar birthday fell on 12 June).

     Just as I was about to rubbish this smart alec's claims, I decided to move forward and check my future Lunar birthdays. 19 years from now, in the year 2040, when I turn 65, 11 June will also be the 2nd day of the 5th month of the Chinese calendar! Fast forward another 19 years...in the year 2059, when I should be 84 years old, it will also be the 2nd day of the 5th month on 11 June! How strange is that!

     Whether I live to celebrate both birthdays on the same day in the years 2040 and 2059, or not, that's not the important thing. The events that have unfurled this year reinforces the importance of living and celebrating life today itself, and every single day!

     On my birthday today, I praise and thank God for gifting me life, sans my butterfly. I am awed by His grace, mercy and power, for His guidance and protection. I celebrate being alive. I am medically flawed but I still feel beautiful and at peace. I am grateful for all the blessings that I have from Him, my precious beloved Mummy, my loving husband, my present state of health, my thoughtful and supportive friends. Happy Birthday to me!

Celebration Chapter 1 : Hakka mee and roast pork for brunch

Celebration Chapter 2 : my favourite Tiramisu from Little Allegra for tea

Celebration Chapter 3 : Japanese dinner from Akamomiji

Celebration Chapter 4 : Little Allegra's Biscoff Cake for dessert